Improvement

whoops. I keep forgetting to do this. D: It'll become a habit to do this more often eventually. Ya know, for the four people who read this :)

My life: uhhhmmmmm.... my throat hurts. a lot. My mom looked at it for me and said that it's not too red, there's just white pus in it. Which is disgusting. and makes me want to rip out my throat right now. I'm not a fan. I couldn't sing at rehearsal today, and tomorrow I'm learning new music... so if it's not better tomorrow I'm screwed...

My day: Went to registration with B. It was... sucky. :( I hate school. I'm glad she was there to stop me from killing myself :) Then we went to Caribou. Naturally. After that I went to Jim's house to have breakfast with Nick, Elise, Michele and Jim. We also made brownies for Shelby. It was quite enjoyable. Then we went to rehearsal... :\ And then I played drop off for the first time! It was really, really fun until the end.....

Updates from the past week: Well certain tense situations have been somewhat resolved... or at least, I'm not obnoxiously upset about it anymore. I've been having lots of fun. Fun is good. Meh. I'm already bored of this post... I'll do a more entertaining one soon. :)

Fuck, I'm bad at this.

Okay. Blogging. I'm gonna make a commitment to do this. A lot. like a few times a week... It seems healthy/a good way to get my emotions out, etc... Wellllll. Right now. What's happening? I'm babysitting... again... I had a whooooole fun day planned with Lyndsey, and I wake up to begin fun day and my mom says "You have to stay here so I can go run some errands for a couple hours." Ugh. So now the plans are all thrown off. We were gonna go to Royal Oak, but now idk if we'll have time, because her mom needs the car back at 3. So she's gonna be all mad at me, and that's not gonna be fun... I told my mom that Lyndsey's gonna murder me... she didn't seem to care... :\

Welcome to my life, ladies and gentlemen. What a grand place it is.....

... I just looked next to me (I am on my mom's bed) and my Dad wrote a note that says "You are smoking hot!" I think I'm going to vomit.

Yesterday. I spent most of the day at a "family" reunion. I wasn't actually related to most of them, it was more just a congregation of Argentinians from Southeastern Michigan... I think I met about 100 people... and that wasn't all of them... I enjoyed it though. It was pretty fun.

After that I went to Connor's house for a bit. We went swimming, but I didn't have a bathing suit with me so I went in my shorts. Then I got back to Connor's and borrowed some shorts. Then Connor, Sarah, and I went to go close the top on his mom's car, because it was about to storm. It was a very complex process, and about halfway through, the torrential downpower started... So the dry clothes I had just gotten into got soaked... So then Connor gave me the ugliest sweatshirt I've ever seen... It has a picture of a turkey on it and it said "TURKEY DAY!" ... I was not a fan, but Ellen thought it was hilarious. So she wore that and I wore her peace sign hoodie. Which I quite like, but it was pretty feminine and much too small for me... So I wasn't the biggest fan... Then we went to Gabe's house where he just told me to go in his room and pick out a shirt so I didn't have to wear that hoodie that showed my midriff... So I just picked a T-shirt off the ground, which happened to be Allie's... So I cycled through about four outifits in about one hour...

Soooo tonight, I'm after I hang out with my favorite person for a solid 10 hours I am camping out in Jim's backyard with Mike and Nick. It sounds like a grand adventure. :)

I'm gonna go shower now... and print off a college application or something. Fuck my life...

Oh so you know. I am lying here on my bed. Facebooking. Not really doing anything of importance. So I figured the four people who read this might want to be updated of that. :)

Right now: I am freaking out about Warped Tour! :D SO. FUCKING. EXCITED. I have so much shit to get done tonight though. But I already know I'm leaving it for tomorrow morning. :) Let's see... I need to make some bracelets, ya know just in case I meet Jack Barakat, Christofer Drew, or John O or the like... I'm excited for getting free shit! :D And spending a solid $90...

Well anyhoo, I just finished the first draft of my application essay for Western. It's a clusterfuck of crap, but honestly I don't think it matters that much so whatevs. :)

Lyndsey introduced me to a new favorite singer. Her name is Kate Nash. She is quite amazing. And to top it off, BRITISH!!! I suggest you all to look up the song Foundations by her. And more if you find her smashing as I do. :D

My life is pretty chill at the moment. Today I am going to get my yearbook picture taken. Which is bad, because today is an ugly day. D: Ahh well, my senior pictures will look amazing so I'm not too concerned... And then I have to come home and babysit for a couple hours. :( boo! and then I will be watching a movie and making cookies with Bethany! yay!

Tomorrow. WARPED TOURRRRRRR! I be leaving at 9 o'clock in the morning. When I come home I will be tired as fuck, but told Nick and David that I would hang out with them. I recognize this as a poor decision but I am making it anyway. :) I don't know what we're gonna do... because normally when I hang out with them we go to the mall and embarrass ourselves and talk to females. But that is no longer necessary.

Saturday. I will be going to Malwhore's b-day party in the evening. And hopefully seeing a certain someone beforehand.

Sunday. I leave for Chicagoooo!!! Just for one night, don't worry. ;)

Okay. Well I need to go attempt attractiveness. Adios!

Songs of the Day:
Foundations - Kate Nash
A Story to Tell Your Friends - Every Avenue
Lost In Stereo - All Time Low
Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys
Hotel Song - Regina Spektor

Whoops. Forgot to have been blogging...

okay. so. blogging. i've been forgetting that. oops.

Updates on my life:

Joseph is over. Good because it frees up a lot of time. Bad because I'm gonna miss the people in it since I won't be seeing them as much.

Les Miserables rehearsals going well. I'm now allowed to be in the beginning chorus numbers! :D YAY! So I get to be a sailor and in the chain gang and all that good stuff. The Enjolras bit is kind of hard. I think I'll get it, I just have to work on using my head voice. I think I'm doing alright, minus when people are being ridiculously over critical at which point I want to shoot myself.

Uhm. Well there are other things going on, that I won't disclose details of, but there is a new main character in the current chapter in the book of my life. She is great. ;)

Ummmm... well sometimes, like today for example, I think I talk when I really, really shouldn't. There is a time and a place for telling people how I really feel and I tend to pick the worst one. And end up ruining a good day... So. I did that. Again... Fml...

What else is going on in my life? Oh yeah! WARPED TOUR IN THREE DAYS!!! GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! hoeaiwlhjifaids;lisjf SHIT I'M EXCITED!

I need to get to work on my college apps... Boo!!! Not a fan of that... I started filing out the first one Monday morning. I think I'm gonna write the essay for it on Thursday... No idea how that's gonna go...

Anyhoo. I really don't know where to go right now in my life. I'm hoping these relationships all perservere. I think they will. Except I have no reason to think they will other than that I think they will. I hope that's enough...

Huh...

Well that's enough for now I believe. Sorry for those of you who were hoping for more angst. Probably next time. :)

Songs of the Day:

Weightless - All Time Low

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

Harder Than You Know - Escape the Fate

Take My Hand - The Cab

Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows

P.S.

Oh wait! New developments in my life. Never mind for those of you who wanted angst. You got it.

I don't know what the fuck I should be doing right now. If I'm not saying how I feel, I get pestered to do so. But then when I do I get attacked for how I'm feeling. Huh...

This is not fun. We should all just be able to shut the fuck up and be happy. It doesn't seem hard. We don't need to fix things and analyze our friendship for months, we just need to be quiet, be better, and everything will be fine. Does that seem unreasonable??? It seems quite reasonable to me. Gah.

What.

The.

Fuck.

God, I'm exciting...

So what's going on in my life? Uhm... pretty much nothing. I know. Thrilling.

I'm living vicariously through my friends and their relationships. Surprise surprise.

Next week is show week for Joseph. Fun stuff... Sorta.

I'm babysitting tonight, which is not fun, but I'm getting money! Yay!

Cuz I need me some merch at Warped Tour. :)

I'm addicted to ChaCha. I discovered it yesterday and I have a major problem... I stayed up til 4 a.m. talking to ChaCha. Yes, you heard me. I'm super cool.

I am making a million bracelets, because I have nothing else to do with my life. Currently working on one for Mrs. Olson. :)

Uhm... my life is just really boring at the moment, not gonna lie. I have nothing important to say... Well I'm gonna go ahead and make some lists. Hopefully they will make up for the uselessness that you have just read. That is if you are still reading. Okay here it goes.

Five People I Am Thinking About:
Bethany Olson
Zach Francis
Emma Grisson
Lyndsey McGee
Regina Spektor

Five Songs That Come Up On Shuffle:
Stepping Stone - Duffy
Sunrise, Sunset - Fiddler on the Roof
Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
Show Me Everything You've Got - The Rocket Summer
I Kissed A Girl - Attack Attack!

Five Things I Appreciate Right Now:
The fact that I don't have work or school
The glorious invention of ChaCha
Making new friends
That my senior pictures are almost done
That I'm healthy

Five Things I Dread Right Now:
Going to work at the restaurant on Saturday
That my friend is gonna get hurt by a girl
That Lyndsey and I have conflicting schedules
That Bethany and I don't see each other that much either
College applications

Five Things I See:
Bobby pins
My phone
A clock reading 4:43
My mom's purse
My pear tree

Five Things In My Pockets:
My iPod
My driver's permit
My school ID
$20
The bracelet I am making for Mrs. Olson

Five People Most Likely to Read This:
Bethany
Lyndsey
Mrs. Olson
Derek
Sally

Five New Albums I Love:
Far
Nothing Personal
Hot Mess
Folie a Deux
A Little Faster

Yep. I hope that was mildly entertaining... :)

Songs of the Day:
Lazy Day Afternoon - Plain White T's
Weightless - All Time Low
Penny on the Train Track - Ben Kweller
Masquerade - Phantom of the Opera
Chasing Pavements - Adele

Fml

This feeling in my stomach seems sickeningly familiar.

I don't know how I got here. Again.

I don't know how to fix it. Again.

I don't think I deserve this. Again.

Why is it all my fault? Again.

I don't know what to say. Again.

I'll just put on a happy face. Again.

I'll hope it will be better tomorrow. Again.

But on second thought, it's not the same as it was.

No the cuts will be much deeper this time.

I'll know how to handle it this time.

But who knows if a solution would present itself again?

I have a better idea.

Let's just have it be over.

Be better again.

I'm trying.

I really am.

Forgive me my trespasses and I'll forgive yours.

Songs of the Day:
This Love - Maroon 5
What We Hate, We Make - The Rocket Summer
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright
Tessellate - Tokyo Police Club
Trouble is a Friend - Lenka

Why?

I have so many mixed emotions. It's not even funny.

I had a really fun night. Derek, Zach, Jill, Elise, Jim, Tyler, Hayley, Evan, and I all hung out with Sarah at her house. We had many laughs.

So why am I in a sour mood right now? What possible reason do I have for this?

I'm just never satisfied. Why can't things be better?

Why can't I please everyone? It's getting to the point where I don't want to even try because I know I'll fail. But I feel like I'm the only one making an effort.

Why are my emotions running rampant? Why do I unleash them all at once when someone says the wrong thing? What's going on with me?

I don't even know. I don't know what's real. I don't know what I'm talking about. I just want to have fun. I want to live in the moment.

Why do others have things I don't? Why can't things be perfect?

What am I talking about? Am I just crazy?

I'm putting things off.

I don't want to grow up.

I don't want to leave.

But I want to get the hell out of here.

I'm so confused. All the time. Nothing makes sense.

If anyone reads this, they're probably scared or concerned. Or am I just kidding myself?

What's going on?

I don't even know.

Never mind, that is all.

Songs of the Day:
The Way She Moves - Forever the Sickest Kids
Swim - Jack's Mannequin
Broken Heart - Motion City Soundtrack
Don't Let Them See You Cry - Manchester Orchestra
That's What You Get - Paramore