Oh so you know. I am lying here on my bed. Facebooking. Not really doing anything of importance. So I figured the four people who read this might want to be updated of that. :)

Right now: I am freaking out about Warped Tour! :D SO. FUCKING. EXCITED. I have so much shit to get done tonight though. But I already know I'm leaving it for tomorrow morning. :) Let's see... I need to make some bracelets, ya know just in case I meet Jack Barakat, Christofer Drew, or John O or the like... I'm excited for getting free shit! :D And spending a solid $90...

Well anyhoo, I just finished the first draft of my application essay for Western. It's a clusterfuck of crap, but honestly I don't think it matters that much so whatevs. :)

Lyndsey introduced me to a new favorite singer. Her name is Kate Nash. She is quite amazing. And to top it off, BRITISH!!! I suggest you all to look up the song Foundations by her. And more if you find her smashing as I do. :D

My life is pretty chill at the moment. Today I am going to get my yearbook picture taken. Which is bad, because today is an ugly day. D: Ahh well, my senior pictures will look amazing so I'm not too concerned... And then I have to come home and babysit for a couple hours. :( boo! and then I will be watching a movie and making cookies with Bethany! yay!

Tomorrow. WARPED TOURRRRRRR! I be leaving at 9 o'clock in the morning. When I come home I will be tired as fuck, but told Nick and David that I would hang out with them. I recognize this as a poor decision but I am making it anyway. :) I don't know what we're gonna do... because normally when I hang out with them we go to the mall and embarrass ourselves and talk to females. But that is no longer necessary.

Saturday. I will be going to Malwhore's b-day party in the evening. And hopefully seeing a certain someone beforehand.

Sunday. I leave for Chicagoooo!!! Just for one night, don't worry. ;)

Okay. Well I need to go attempt attractiveness. Adios!

Songs of the Day:
Foundations - Kate Nash
A Story to Tell Your Friends - Every Avenue
Lost In Stereo - All Time Low
Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys
Hotel Song - Regina Spektor

Whoops. Forgot to have been blogging...

okay. so. blogging. i've been forgetting that. oops.

Updates on my life:

Joseph is over. Good because it frees up a lot of time. Bad because I'm gonna miss the people in it since I won't be seeing them as much.

Les Miserables rehearsals going well. I'm now allowed to be in the beginning chorus numbers! :D YAY! So I get to be a sailor and in the chain gang and all that good stuff. The Enjolras bit is kind of hard. I think I'll get it, I just have to work on using my head voice. I think I'm doing alright, minus when people are being ridiculously over critical at which point I want to shoot myself.

Uhm. Well there are other things going on, that I won't disclose details of, but there is a new main character in the current chapter in the book of my life. She is great. ;)

Ummmm... well sometimes, like today for example, I think I talk when I really, really shouldn't. There is a time and a place for telling people how I really feel and I tend to pick the worst one. And end up ruining a good day... So. I did that. Again... Fml...

What else is going on in my life? Oh yeah! WARPED TOUR IN THREE DAYS!!! GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! hoeaiwlhjifaids;lisjf SHIT I'M EXCITED!

I need to get to work on my college apps... Boo!!! Not a fan of that... I started filing out the first one Monday morning. I think I'm gonna write the essay for it on Thursday... No idea how that's gonna go...

Anyhoo. I really don't know where to go right now in my life. I'm hoping these relationships all perservere. I think they will. Except I have no reason to think they will other than that I think they will. I hope that's enough...

Huh...

Well that's enough for now I believe. Sorry for those of you who were hoping for more angst. Probably next time. :)

Songs of the Day:

Weightless - All Time Low

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

Harder Than You Know - Escape the Fate

Take My Hand - The Cab

Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows

P.S.

Oh wait! New developments in my life. Never mind for those of you who wanted angst. You got it.

I don't know what the fuck I should be doing right now. If I'm not saying how I feel, I get pestered to do so. But then when I do I get attacked for how I'm feeling. Huh...

This is not fun. We should all just be able to shut the fuck up and be happy. It doesn't seem hard. We don't need to fix things and analyze our friendship for months, we just need to be quiet, be better, and everything will be fine. Does that seem unreasonable??? It seems quite reasonable to me. Gah.

What.

The.

Fuck.

God, I'm exciting...

So what's going on in my life? Uhm... pretty much nothing. I know. Thrilling.

I'm living vicariously through my friends and their relationships. Surprise surprise.

Next week is show week for Joseph. Fun stuff... Sorta.

I'm babysitting tonight, which is not fun, but I'm getting money! Yay!

Cuz I need me some merch at Warped Tour. :)

I'm addicted to ChaCha. I discovered it yesterday and I have a major problem... I stayed up til 4 a.m. talking to ChaCha. Yes, you heard me. I'm super cool.

I am making a million bracelets, because I have nothing else to do with my life. Currently working on one for Mrs. Olson. :)

Uhm... my life is just really boring at the moment, not gonna lie. I have nothing important to say... Well I'm gonna go ahead and make some lists. Hopefully they will make up for the uselessness that you have just read. That is if you are still reading. Okay here it goes.

Five People I Am Thinking About:
Bethany Olson
Zach Francis
Emma Grisson
Lyndsey McGee
Regina Spektor

Five Songs That Come Up On Shuffle:
Stepping Stone - Duffy
Sunrise, Sunset - Fiddler on the Roof
Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
Show Me Everything You've Got - The Rocket Summer
I Kissed A Girl - Attack Attack!

Five Things I Appreciate Right Now:
The fact that I don't have work or school
The glorious invention of ChaCha
Making new friends
That my senior pictures are almost done
That I'm healthy

Five Things I Dread Right Now:
Going to work at the restaurant on Saturday
That my friend is gonna get hurt by a girl
That Lyndsey and I have conflicting schedules
That Bethany and I don't see each other that much either
College applications

Five Things I See:
Bobby pins
My phone
A clock reading 4:43
My mom's purse
My pear tree

Five Things In My Pockets:
My iPod
My driver's permit
My school ID
$20
The bracelet I am making for Mrs. Olson

Five People Most Likely to Read This:
Bethany
Lyndsey
Mrs. Olson
Derek
Sally

Five New Albums I Love:
Far
Nothing Personal
Hot Mess
Folie a Deux
A Little Faster

Yep. I hope that was mildly entertaining... :)

Songs of the Day:
Lazy Day Afternoon - Plain White T's
Weightless - All Time Low
Penny on the Train Track - Ben Kweller
Masquerade - Phantom of the Opera
Chasing Pavements - Adele

Fml

This feeling in my stomach seems sickeningly familiar.

I don't know how I got here. Again.

I don't know how to fix it. Again.

I don't think I deserve this. Again.

Why is it all my fault? Again.

I don't know what to say. Again.

I'll just put on a happy face. Again.

I'll hope it will be better tomorrow. Again.

But on second thought, it's not the same as it was.

No the cuts will be much deeper this time.

I'll know how to handle it this time.

But who knows if a solution would present itself again?

I have a better idea.

Let's just have it be over.

Be better again.

I'm trying.

I really am.

Forgive me my trespasses and I'll forgive yours.

Songs of the Day:
This Love - Maroon 5
What We Hate, We Make - The Rocket Summer
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright
Tessellate - Tokyo Police Club
Trouble is a Friend - Lenka

Why?

I have so many mixed emotions. It's not even funny.

I had a really fun night. Derek, Zach, Jill, Elise, Jim, Tyler, Hayley, Evan, and I all hung out with Sarah at her house. We had many laughs.

So why am I in a sour mood right now? What possible reason do I have for this?

I'm just never satisfied. Why can't things be better?

Why can't I please everyone? It's getting to the point where I don't want to even try because I know I'll fail. But I feel like I'm the only one making an effort.

Why are my emotions running rampant? Why do I unleash them all at once when someone says the wrong thing? What's going on with me?

I don't even know. I don't know what's real. I don't know what I'm talking about. I just want to have fun. I want to live in the moment.

Why do others have things I don't? Why can't things be perfect?

What am I talking about? Am I just crazy?

I'm putting things off.

I don't want to grow up.

I don't want to leave.

But I want to get the hell out of here.

I'm so confused. All the time. Nothing makes sense.

If anyone reads this, they're probably scared or concerned. Or am I just kidding myself?

What's going on?

I don't even know.

Never mind, that is all.

Songs of the Day:
The Way She Moves - Forever the Sickest Kids
Swim - Jack's Mannequin
Broken Heart - Motion City Soundtrack
Don't Let Them See You Cry - Manchester Orchestra
That's What You Get - Paramore

Ahhhh Sweet Sweet Summer...

How did I get here?

How am I amazingly good friends with people who I legitly met on Monday?

How is this possible?

By being a theatre kid.

For some, the theatre kid in me is the one thing they hate about me. For others, it's the one thing they love.

Let's dive into that a bit, shall we?

I love theatre. It's my passion in life. It's what I want to do the rest of my life.

I also love theatre kids. They are amazingly fun, open, and hilarious.

But it's strange that I've never been best friends with a theatre kid before. They are amazing people, but they always have their flaws. My relationships with theatre kids are always the most complex and always the most interesting. I never really understand any of them, and even less do my non-theatre friends.

I don't really know what I'm talking about... This blog is such a stream of conciousness it's not even funny.

AHHH LOOK! A SQUIRREL!!!

Anywhooo... I love theatre kids. That was the point I was trying to get at.

Let's make lists. Lists are fun.

Five New People Who I Love:
1. Derek Francis
2. Zach Francis
3. Nicole Armold
4. Becky Brisson
5. Jessica Glaser

Five Old People Who I Love:
1. Bethany Olson
2. Lyndsey McGee
3. Sarah Gugel
4. Jillian Hoffman
5. Allison Huber

Five Things I'm Excited For:
1. Warped Tour
2. Half Blood Prince
3. Les Miserables
4. Blink-182
5. Seven More Weeks Of Summer!!!

Five Singers I Love:
1. Regina Spektor
2. Ben Folds
3. Lady Gaga
4. Katy Perry
5. Christofer Drew

Five Musicals I Love:
1. Les Miserables
2. Avenue Q
3. Children of Eden
4. Hairspray
5. Sweeney Todd

Five Things I'm Thinking About Right Now:
1. How I need money so I can buy new clothes that the Francis twins need to pick out for me.
2. How much drama I hear about in one day.
3. How I need money for warped tour merch.
4. How very nervous I am for Les Miserables.
5. How I wish everyone could be happier for others instead of being spiteful.

Five Songs That Come Up On Shuffle:
1. Sky High Standard - NeverShoutNever!
2. I Swear This Place Is Haunted - A Skylit Drive
3. Animal - Nickelback
4. Better Be Prepared - Valencia
5. Don't Be Shy - Shwayze

Five People Last Text Messaged Me:
1. Sarah Gugel
2. Derek Francis
3. Allison Huber
4. Mom
5. Bethany Olson

Well I think that is enough lists for today. Oh wait! One more!

Songs of the Day:
The Rock Show - blink-182
Girls Do What They Want - The Maine
It Won't Be Long - The Beatles
Party In Your Bedroom - Cash Cash
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

My Life As It Is

Well at the very moment, my life consists of theatre... And almost nothing else. I have been helping out with the directorial staff of SMT's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I have just been cast as Enjolras in Les Miserables. Which I won't lie, I am terrified for. (Show dates are September 18, 19, 25, and 26 at Lakeland High School! Mark your calendars!!!)

Mostly, I feel the need to start blogging again. It was a good way for me to focus my thoughts and vent my feelings and therefore I am starting one again. Well let's see. What have I been doing...?

Well yesterday. I went to SMT rehearsal. Nothing too special happened there... I waited around for a while to figure out my day. I ended up going to the Francis' house. My phone died. That was a major inconvenience in the day... I hung out with Emma and the twins. Jim picked us up and we went to the Gibbs' house. After much convincing, we got most of the people there to sit down and watched Les Miz. (We skipped the first 12ish songs until our characters came in.) We watched that for a bit. I was intimidated. We then went to Ana Rodriguez's graduation party. We danced like the obnoxious white theatre kids we are. After that we piled into Tim's car to go back to the Gibbs' where Jim's car was. He went to go drop off the girls while we waited there and he came back to take myself, my brother, and Connor and the Francis' over to their house. We feel asleep watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. (Which I would recommend for it was quite hilarious.) Derek fell asleep on my lap and I fell asleep on his shoulder, lmao. But it was okay because he has an Egyptian down comforter, and I still cannot get over how comfortable it is.

So this morning. I woke up. We talked for a bit. We go upstairs to get breakfast, to discover that the twins' mom bought doughnuts, which was really exciting for me. I got ready and Jim picked me up to go job hunting. We got some applications downtown and went to all three Seven 11s to get free slurpees. He dropped me off at home and now here I am... Yep. I'm livin' it up. So yes. That's what's going on at the moment.

Songs of the Day:

I Miss You - blink-182

Believe Me, I'm Lying - Forever the Sickest Kids

California - Phantom Planet

All That We Needed - Plain White T's

Nine In The Afternoon - Panic at the Disco